Its so funny. It just is.

Fish-Finger, Fish-bowl, Finger-bowl

Just think a little and then think a lot and then finally you might just come to the conclusion that the title makes absolutely no sense.

But random-ity is what makes life worth living right? So Here goes.

I have no money. The colour pink generally brings happiness to my soul. I feel like having sickeningly sweet doi Machh. I have chipped nails which are looking so very ugly you cannot imagine. I wish I was a short girl. If there is one person out there who has been getting my soulful love for years now but is darn pretty ignorant of it, it has to be A.R.Raman. Its not admiration. Its not awe. I am not your everyday two-penny fan. Its love. Pure love. True love.

The studio that is the set for this comedy daily that I work for is on a road which is very very dirty. Which is largely due to the fact that there is this huge garbage dump point (yes, on a main road) right next to it. But once you come inside the compound, its ...well different. The first thing that might catch your attention is this jail-house building of sorts. Its a set. It looks very very real. The other day I was leaning on one of the walls inside the building, and my pen accidentally tapped against the apparent grey stone wall. Whoa! I was suddenly reminded of all those Nancy Drew novels where people would tap on walls to find them "hollow" and then they would go on to discover that there is a secret passage hidden. I always used to wonder what it would be like to tap on a wall and find it "hollow". Yes. Dear people, dreams, fantasies and childhood wonders do come true. So the jail house wall ...I dunno felt hollow. It was then that I went on a rampage going on tapping on all the walls visible to figure out that the entire building was actually wooden. (like duh). But what I am trying to say is that, its all so make-believe. Nothing is real and yet so many people watch these daily soaps/films/ads and they believe in them. I understand that is because so much effort goes into making the sets look like real. But then, at the end of the day, its like...its cheating.

But all's good as long as its for a good cause. And I have started believing in the slapstick that the show churns out. First of all, its actually funny. I think the editing and the sad sound effects take away a lot from the funniness, but then to see it happen from scratch, to read the script, brief the actors, help them change into their get-ups, witness then learning the lines and then finally to be awed at how much these actors improvise and forget the comedy, to realize how much life they bring into a simple script. And its so damn funny watching everyone from the sound guys to the spot guys to the director struggling hard to stifle their laughter while the take is going on.

So I've come to the conclusion that even if the pay is lesser than the smallest peanut you can imagine and the Oh-God-How-will-I-survive type of depressing thoughts that crawl into the back of my mind the first thing as I wake up in the morning, I guess its worth it.
Its worth it.

153

I was going through my blog archives and whoa! Its like looking at me in retrospect, growing down bit by bit. I used to be so very worldly wise.

As a kid, I had problems galore. But I was wise enough to foresee the good times ahead. Of course I did not see myself getting sloshed on the beach in the afternoon somewhere in a sleepy little town three hours away from Bombay. I did not see myself so very happily emotionally attached to my long hair. I did not know my nose would find its lovely nose-pin and would live happily forever. I did not see myself going without a bath/dinner for two days. I did not know I would have to travel in an auto on the glistening Bombay roads at three in the morning.

Digression from the main theme ---->

I still remember how amazing it used to be.Three in the morning. To be dead tired. To come out of the office and not get an auto and walk on the ghostly Veera Desai Road for twenty minutes and then finally get one and get on it, sit, rest my head on the imprinted occasional Ajay Devgans and Kareena Kapoors of the interior decoration of some auto, which by the way looks divine by the orange street light which drops in a bit inside the auto as the driver races with the wind, takes a sharp right turn, and I catch my breath because I see the grey-black sea of Juhu against the same orange street lights which fascinate me so.

Anyway, so I did not exactly see the niceties that life had in store but I knew twas all out there.
Having said that, I was also largely aware of the not-so-niceties that life had in store and I take them as they come. People call me laid-back, chilled-out, immature, lazy, happy. Is it difficult? I don't understand why it is so damn difficult for some people to be happy. Like if you step on a muddy puddle and dirty your jeans why can't you just look up, throw away your umbrella and make eye contact with the sky and look at the raindrops as they come. You can always curse the weather and crib about it later.

But look who is talking. Hah.
Me.
Me who keeps compaining about the one room flat and the humidity and money.
Money.
God, money.
It can change who you are.
Happens with me nowadays. I keep missing out on the favorite parts of songs because I keep finding myself fretting too much about the future.

That's why I liked this film so much.





It reminded me of me. Made me feel good about procrastination. Made me feel good about not having studied for most of the exams that came my way. Made me feel good about not knowing how to cook. Made me feel good about wasting away millions of minutes on marine drive. Made me feel good about being the kind of person who likes to click pictures of her feet.

Suddenly feel like updating my blog..

or not

First things first.

I don't know.
I have no idea.

Now those sweet little words you see up there, they are fast becoming my convenient answer to most things around. for example,

1> Whats wrong with your phone?

2> So what plans?

3> Have you wondered where your (pseudo) 'relationship' is going?

4> What do you feel like having for dinner?

5> How do you feel after coming back to Bombay?

6> Do you like the rains?

7> What do you think about prostitution ?

8> What do you feel?

9> How do you feel?

10> What do you think?

11> Do you feel?

12> How?

13> You think?

14> why?

etc etc etc...you know , and the list goes on and on and ON.


So for the updates.
My phone is not working....because it got drenched in water...how? I don't remember. I think I was sloshed and was taking a bath after puking....well..there was this song playing from the film Dev.D in which Abhay Deol, high on rum and thumbs up had just about put his head inside a bucket full of water. I felt like doing the same...because I was also high on rum and thumbs up. I think the phone was somewhere around in the picture and well...its not working. Not switching on. I will have to say I kind of like it. I am not that much of a phone person. The best use that I've made of my phone has been to record myself singing and then invariably ending up trying to convince people that its ME who is singing. Anyway...


So I like having gone incommunicado. Not that people ae dying to get in touch with me...still. Nobody knows what I am up to. And anyway...in this entire stretch of two months that I spent at home in Calcutta I was so disoriented I dint feel like talking to anybody. In real I mean. Online communication is a different game all together.

And the first time in 22 years I had what I can call a very "uneventful" birthday. Like there was a time when birthdays used to be a big deal. Like the BIG of the biggest deals. Things change. And quite surprisingly one is so okay with the change.

Like I never thought I would even think about quitting smoking. (refer to the last post :|)...but now I am. Thinking. Not quitting.

Also, having cheesecake for dinner. Did I EVER think I would have just cheesecake for dinner? Yes I did. Think. Not have.
So now I've had it too.

Anyway, so Today is my "interview".
See if I pass with flying colours, I will get to be second assistant director for a comedy show on TV

So, please pray. :)

So long.
Toodles.

Arguably, the silliest.

So I woke up in the morning and was very sad to be doing so. I am not too fond of waking up, you see. I had had the craziest dream ever.

~The Abrupt Beginning~

Me and two of my cousins were visibly harrowed as we knocked on that grey door. Surprise! My high school crush [HSC] opens the door. After all these years, he had not changed a BIT. The same hazel eyes, the honey skin, the million dollar smile. My, he looks like a cross between Paul Walker and Hrithik Roshan!

Thats what I thought EVEN IN MY DREAM.

So anyway, his house had rolled up mattresses and purple curtains and a lot of people praying, stationed here and there. My dream, having a direction of its own had still not figured out what I was doing at his place and that too with Mou Di and Kutti, my cousins. We were offered Rooh Afza in tall glasses on an off-white plastic tray.

(I HATE Rooh afza, said the sub-conscious me, to my Dream)

(Well what can you do, I LOVE it, said my Dream, to the sub-conscious me)

So anyway, while HSC was showing me his latest collection of Techno magazines, my cousins were ruefully sipping Rooh afza and the sub-conscious me and my Dream were still at it, I fell asleep. I mean even in my dream.

After this, to avoid confusion, I will jump directly to the part where I wake up, in my dream.

So I wake up and I find nobody around. The disoriented, confused and spineless character that my Dream is, I walked around to find out that HSC's house was actually a palace. Well two minutes ago, it was an apartment with a grey door, but now it was a palace. There was this woman clad in white robes who showed me around. I have no idea where she came from. On asking my Dream, it uttered some eleven words.

"What Do you expect, I am an ordinary dream-next-door"

So there were these large beautiful rooms with Brocade curtains and mahogany four-poster beds.

I was wide-eyed and mesmerized. So much so, that I could not help spinning around and asking the Lady in white,

"Who is the bleeding art director?!"

The Lady in white was just about to answer me when the sub-conscious me questioned my Dream, once again,

"When did I become such an expert? How did I know its a Mahogany four-poster bed? I don't know nothing about wood material....."

It was at this point that my Dream icily lashed back at me, saying "will you shut up already? Get your butter popcorn and enjoy the show". In doing so, I agree, my dream unknowingly did the wide-awake me a good turn, because seriously, the interruptions were beginning to get difficult as far as this post is concerned.

Anyway the Lady in white took me to this hall where exotic looking women were sipping wine and playing cards and stuff. She told me they were all HSC's cousins. At this point I realized I was really not thinking much about where my cousins had disappeared and just after this realiztion, my cousins appeared out of nowhere and offered me three pieces of "Big Bubble" chewing gum.

I was aghast. The following conversation followed.

Me: How could you two leave me alone and go away...and that too when I am sleeping?! Amen't I your little sister?

Cousins [in unison] : Oh, cut the crap. you're ALWAYS sleeping and besides we got you chewing gum.

Me: Okay. Cool. I appreciate that. So wassup?

Cousins [in unison]: what is up is definitely this flesh trade your sweet HSC is organizing.

Me: what? Flesh trade? HSC? Organizing?.....wait..I never knew what it is like to "organize" a flesh trade......you know it sounds more like a school Fest or something. hehehehe.

Cousins [in unison]: stop giggling like a silly school girl. This is not high school. This is a major scam. You see all those exotic women? They are HSC's cousins and he's gonna SELL them all to buy a new guitar!

Me: In that case, I think I should scrap him and congratulate him. He has finally grown up.

And then, I woke up.

~The equally abrupt End~

Cheap Thrills

This "break" at home has sort of numbed me down. It was like as if I was running fast and then suddenly I stopped short to bend and tie my shoe-lace. I feel very light and flowy.

I was walking on that stretch, from Navina Cinema Hall to the Anwar shah Crossing and I suddenly realized how amazingly nice it would be to just free oneself all things possible. From the dirt and grime and heat and conspiracies and envy and and News Channels and Poojo sale posters and pimples and split ends and opposition parties. Not only all that, but to be free from feeling emotions. Life would be so much simpler. Do what you're supposed to do, follow the everyday rule book and have no aspirations whatsoever. And anyway this whole locha about ambition and expectations and dreams to be fulfilled etc is just too tiring. Life would just be all about the cheap thrills of painting ones's nails or digging one's nose.