Saturday, March 22, 2008

The true Hero.

Its very difficult to write readable stuff at a time when a person has been dreaming about far-off railway stations and has been trying to convince people that her film's protagonist might be a schizophrenic...but thats just besides the point.


Anyway.
My goldfish died today. It was two weeks old. I was thinking about naming it, and well, it died. Right at that moment, while I was holding the dead fish in my hands I realized I need to run away from things. Run far away. Perhaps some place where they have dingy-yet-pompous railway stations.


List of things that make me happy nowadays :

  • The song "Ye jo zindagi hai" From 1947 Earth.
  • MTV Roadies.
  • Milk Powder.
  • My future prospects.
No seriously, it would have been natural to wince at the very mention of the word "Future"...forget about "prospects" and "education"..but nowadays all these phrases open a new avenue of thoughts. Very refreshing thoughts of me living far far away from the people who surround me now.

How amazing would it be to stay disconnected. Cut off. Invisible. Unnoticeable. How amazing would it be to not be answerable to people, not justify the one thousand and thirty six useless and meaningless things that make it easier for me to exist.

But then I am getting whiny again.

So what would you all want to know about?
My college life? Its gone. Ceased to exist. My friends? they're all there for me. Just that I've been having dangerously desperate thoughts of detaching myself from all my friends. Throughout my childhood/tweenhood/teenhood, I've been craving for that perfect life with good friends all around me. I craved so bad that at age 20 I actually am in a position to boast of the perfect life with three or four good friends.

But now I want to distance myself. Just listen to music and watch TV and read books while traveling by the metro. There is nothing else that I wish to do. Surprisingly, I don't even want to talk. I wince every time my phone starts buzzing. That explains why I haven't been blogging much.

but then there is the future to think about. I have to start reading the newspaper. I have to get through. I have to go far away.


OK. What else should I tell you.
My film.
Ah.
Now I know whats so sweet about making films.
The notion of making things inside your head come real.
Something that was just another blurb of colour inside your brain,suddenly is a recorded entity. Digitized. Ready for you.On the timeline. Waiting for you to fiddle around with it. Cut. copy. Trim. One frame?

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

know what i was not prepared for this...like i m already so DEPESSED and then comes this post

Royal Bengal Tigress said...

Goldfish are smelly.
But yours was special.

Amazing Graze said...

okay change of colours again, but plz wud u make it a tad darker, coz its difficult to read with my blimey eyes. :P
i know this phase so well ( i hope this is a phase, coz i have been in it ever since college got over)... but hey, you got your film... angsty people tend to make great movies. & with a supposedly schizophrenic protagonist, i think you have a winner there. ;D

Hatturi Hanzo said...

Films with schizophrenic, dyslexic etc protagonists are always a huge hit. So all the best for your film too!And I also hope that its a good. Unlike, most of the other similar films. :P
Ohh, and you shouldn't keep pets. The more you love them, the less they live. :)

Royal Bengal Tigress said...

Er, sorry. I was rather insensitive. Pray overlook my last comment, it was typed in the agonies of pet kharap. I will link your blog.

~Moo-lah Buz!nezzz~ said...

If u wanna distance urself,distance urself....the solitude is much much more worth than what it seems...!!!
ur film released already????!!

Llama said...

I want to watch your movie!!!
And again.. you aren't very skilled at whining.

onnesha said...

sunechhi goldfish ra eka thakte parena.they die of estrangement.

Doubletake, Doublethink. said...

it's terrible when pets die. and you have to flush them down a toilet. happened with my pet lizard.

=(

my sympathies.

coffee stain said...

but you had so many fishes in the bowl..... whats with the mommy fish?!

ArSENik said...

I know what you mean. I have similar feelings about shutting out often.

"Ye Jo Zindagi Hai" is hauntingly beautiful. And as far as making films is concerned, yes, I agree, very few other greater joys. I want to see the film. Please put it on Youtube if you can.

Anonymous said...

"I was thinking about naming it, and well, it died."

Dont know why, but that nearly made me go ROTFL.

ad libber said...

Hmm, ok for calling Rahman a true hero, I promise to remain eternally devoted to you. Next time you are on a desert island, you can rely on me to deliver the pizzas.

I hope your movie is one where everyone comes to a miserable end. Thats the only kind I seem to be able to watch nowadays.

Angry Voices said...

:|

:| :| :| :| :|

/:) :O :X

~x(


that should explain it